The Onion: ‘Minnesota Braces For The Return of Michele Bachmann’

Source:The Onion– U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann (Republican, Minnesota) announcing that she’s returning to the hospital to get the full-attention that she deserves. Actually, I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about here.

Source:The Daily Press

“A fight kind of runs out of steam 15 seconds in, George Washington laments that his vision of the future has not been realized, and Philip Morris releases its new line of Marlboro PM cigarettes. It’s the week of January 9th, 2012.”

From The Onion

The State of Minnesota has had five months to recover from the return of Representative Michele Bachmann, who thank God doesn’t represent the whole state, only 600K or so Minnesotans have to put up with her. And a lot of those people are mental patients, which is Representative Bachmann’s base of support, being that she’s one of them, just on the lam. You would think that she would be easy to track down, seeing that she’s a U.S. Representative who works in Congress. But that’s perhaps a different story.

I thought I would give a status report on the damage that Representative Bachmann has caused. Report what’s she been saying and then report on what’s actually been happening.

This week Representative Bachmann endorsed Mitt Romney for President and within five minutes of that, Governor Romney’s polls with Independents plummeted and he lost ten points. The Flip Flopper in Chief, managed to bring those numbers back by supporting a constitutional amendment to make same-sex Marriage the law of the land. Which won him support with the homosexual community, something that only Mitt Romney can do. Being that he has a clones of himself.

In other news Representative Bachmann announced that there isn’t a Republican War on Women. Five minutes later she came out for a law that would ban women from the workforce. Her husband Marcus Bachmann also came out of the closet and supports Governor Romney’s constitutional amendment to make same-sex marriage the law of the land as well. He also endorsed Mitt, but endorsed his clone Mitt, the liberal Mitt by accident. So the liberal Mitt picked up points in the homosexual community as well.

Which doesn’t do much good for the real Mitt, whoever that person is.
The real Mitt is MIA and there’s an all points bulletin now to try to track down the real Mitt. Officials believe they know what the real Mitt looks like. They’ve seen pictures of him and have talked to Mitt’s other clones. Neoconservative Mitt, Moderate Mitt and Conservative Mitt. But have been unable to track down the real Mitt so far.

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The Onion: ‘Did Media Treat Michele Bachmann Unfairly Because She’s an Insane Woman?’

Source:The Onion– U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann (Republican, Minnesota) unfortunately not on the road to sanity and mental health.

Source:The Daily Press

“The First Responders debate whether the media is harder on Michele Bachmann because she is a woman who is crazy. (Aired 11/1/11)”

From The Onion

In many ways it’s easier to get attention these days, especially in the era of the information technology revolution, by saying things that make you sound like you’re from another planet. Or in Michele Bachmann’s case, sound like you’re running for President, of another planet, who wants to hear a politician say: “I’ll do what I believe is in the best interest of the country. I’ll make decisions based on what I believe is the best thing to do”.

Every time there’s a politician or candidate who speaks like that, you can hear insomniacs snoring in the background, getting the best sleep of their lifetimes. Perhaps introducing their brains to sleep for the first time in their lives.

It’s the politicians and candidates, who say things, just to use Michele Bachmann as an example (for no apparent reason) who says things like: “same-sex marriage is the biggest threat to our national security”. I guess sometime before she said that, the United States won the War on Terror. I could’ve swore the War on Terror was a bigger threat. Or the national debt or deficit, unemployment were bigger threats. Perhaps Representative Bachmann misses the House Intelligence Committee meetings that she’s a member of, that released that information. (Her shrink wouldn’t let her out of the institution that day)

Maybe Barack Obama actually is God and fixed all the problems that her inherited (except for gays getting married and living happily ever after, while not bothering anyone) and hearing rumors that President Obama was God in disguise as a human being and President of the United States, was not a rumor, but a fact.

So now the biggest threat to American civilization is actually same- sex marriage. If you’re having a hard time reading that with a straight face, imagine how hard it was to write it. You know with the typing and everything, but hey maybe Representative Bachmann’s gay husband Marcus can fix the same-sex marriage issue, by converting gay people to straight.

Its much easier I would say especially in America, because of our size and wealth (310M people, the largest economy in the world) and how far advanced we are technology wise and everything for mentally unbalanced people (lets say to be nice) to get attention for themselves and whatever they think they are trying to accomplish.

The reason for is this is because of how abnormal the mentally handicapped are and they do and say things, that sane people just wouldn’t say or do. Mitt Romney only gets media attention for one of his speeches, when he says something that makes him seem out of touch. Like when he said he only made 400K$ giving speeches. Well, 90% of the country would love to only 400K$ a year. But generally people don’t remember much if anything that Mitt said in one of his speeches.

Mitt isn’t very memorable as a speaker because he’s one of the sanest people to ever run for President. The guy is about as exciting as a bowl of oatmeal, which might be insulting to oatmeal. But when someone lets again use Michele Bachamann, says something that sounds so far out in left field (or right field in Michelle’s case) that they couldn’t see centerfield with binoculars or a telescope, it gets reported right away, because it’s crazy, interesting and provocative. And gives the “mainstream media” something else to make fun of.

If you’re lonely and feel like you’re not receiving your fair share of attention, give a crazy speech, say things like “America should be less Socialist like China”. Take pictures of your sensitive area and post them on Twitter, especially if you’re a public official. It will always work and you’ll always get attention for doing (excuse the expression) doing crazy shit like that. But one thing it just might not be the kind of attention you’re looking for. But as the saying goes, all free media is good media. I know I said no more blog posts about Michele Bachmann until she runs for reelection for House. But this popped in my head.

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Talking Points Memo: U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann- ‘We Should be Less Socialist Like China’

Source:Talking Points Memo– U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann (Republican, Minnesota) displaying how you look and sound when you don’t take your medicine. And perhaps when you don’t eat your fruits and vegetables, and perhaps drink enough water as well.

Source:The Daily Press

“Bachmann: We Should Be Less Socialist… Like China”

From Talking Points Memo

“Social welfare in China has undergone various changes throughout history. The Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security is responsible for the social welfare system. Currently the form of social welfare is in between 40-75% according to their means of production.

Welfare in China is linked to the hukou system. Those holding non-agricultural hukou status have access to a number of programs provided by the government, such as healthcare, employment, retirement pensions, housing, and education. While rural residents traditionally were expected to provide for themselves,[1] in 2014 the Chinese Communist Party announced reforms aimed at providing rural citizens access to historically urban social programs.[2]

In pre-1980s reform China, the socialist state fulfilled the needs of society from cradle to grave. Child care, education, job placement, housing, subsistence, health care, and elder care were largely the responsibility of the work unit as administered through state-owned enterprises and agricultural communes and collectives. As those systems disappeared or were reformed, the “iron rice bowl” approach to welfare changed. Article 14 of the constitution stipulates that the state “builds and improves a welfare system that corresponds with the level of economic development.

In 2004 China experienced the greatest decrease in its poorest population since 1999. People with a per capita income of less than 668 renminbi (RMB; US$80.71) decreased by 2.9 million people or 10 percent; those with a per capita income of less than 924 RMB (US$111.64) decreased by 6.4 million people or 11.4 percent, according to statistics from the State Council’s Poverty Reduction Office.[3]

Welfare reforms since the late 1990s have included unemployment insurance, medical insurance, workers’ compensation insurance, maternity benefits, communal pension funds, individual pension accounts, universal health care.[4]

Furthermore, for many of the minority groups, there are some benefits available.[5]

During July 2020, Beijing social security center put restrictions on the social security withholding and payment, which was allowed to be operational previously via third party organizations.”

From Wikipedia 

Representative Michele Bachmann to me at least makes the case for why every single candidate running for President, should at least have to pass a modern social studies, as well as history class, before they are even eligible to run for President. And have to take and pass those course like a year before they decide to run for President.

Representative Bachmann also defines at least one version of the term asshole, as someone who speaks out of their ass, because they don’t know what the hell they are talking about. She sounds like an auto mechanic or janitor trying to sound like an expert on brain surgery or astronomy.

According to Representative Bachmann, America should be less socialist like China. Apparently not aware that China is the People’e Republic of China. They are a Communist State, that yes have in the last 30 years has privatized a lot of their economy and industries, which is why they’ve seen the economic growth and reductions in poverty that they’ve seen. But they are a Communist State that even has a welfare system and a generous one at that.

I don’t know where Representative Bachmann gets her information or intelligence, but it’s not from the House Intelligence Committee (where she’s a member of) or she’s simply lying out of her ass and represents the stereotype of the American politician as someone who says what she or he thinks people want to hear and what she wants them to hear, but wouldn’t know the truth if it slapped her or him in the face, because she’s been lying or bullshitting for so long.

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